


Preoccupation

by tenguoni



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, mention of davekat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:34:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21575341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenguoni/pseuds/tenguoni
Summary: Gamzee needs to have a talk with Karkat, and Karkat's not sure how to feel about it.
Relationships: Gamzee Makara/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56





	Preoccupation

**Author's Note:**

> woo okay i did not have a beta for this so firstly i just want to say i am SORRY this is purely word vomit dribble that i puked out past midnight for a few hours on my phone so its simply a stream of consciousness in the form of two boys having FEELINGS. that's all this is, boys having feelings. i pray to the gods it all makes sense.
> 
> also, warning for the F slur!

Today is a super weird day for Karkat. Some days are alright, some worse than others, but today just completely took the guy by surprise.

He has the day off from work, he goes to see his friend Gamzee at his apartment, and they get into their usual antics. Smoking, playing videogames, Gamzee talks about bullshit and Karkat talks even bigger bullshit.

They never really talk about anything real, which is mostly pretty good. Karkat needs an escape from all the shit in his life, and Gamzee is just that. He's a low maintenance friend, he's always around, and he's completely comfortable just to hang out with.

But that just makes it harder to ready himself when Gamzee says he wants to talk about something real. The last time they had a big conversation was probably because Karkat was having another famous breakdown, and before that, Gamzee was having some family issues. That was so, so, long ago.

For context, it's worth mentioning that if Karkat were to pay better attention, he could've seen this conversation coming. He just didn't because he's dumb and oblivious and partially  _ willfully _ oblivious.

The past year has been eventful as all hell. Karkat got a new roommate, new job, he's closer to all his friends, and he's met a number of new people. Including this little group of people he met through Kanaya.

Kanaya (another very good friend of Karkat's), started seeing this girl Rose. Rose has a brother, who has a best friend, who has a sister. And they're all basically intertwined for life or whatever, Karkat just knows they're a tight knit group.

Yet somehow, Karkat and Kanaya infiltrated it, and Karkat started spending a lot of time with them. First it was all 6 of them, then it was all of them except Kanaya, then eventually he started hanging out with this "Dave" one-on-one.

Meanwhile, Gamzee was getting the whole rundown in real time. Every once in a while, he'd stop by Gamzee's and update him on the new friends situation, and Gamzee was his typical casual supportive self, etc etc.

And then things got a little weird- Karkat thought Jade and Dave were going to date, but then all of a sudden Dave and Karkat hooked up, and when Karkat went to Gamzee asking "what does it all mean", Gamzee kinda clammed up.

Which is highly unusual. Gamzee doesn't get cagey unless something bothers him. It's pretty obvious he's bothered, and Karkat feels like he stepped on a landmine.

Was Gamzee upset that Karkat was seeing people? Was he jealous? The list of things it could've been, is unfortunately very short, leaving Karkat to seriously fret.

That conversation happened a week ago. They've returned to normal for the most part, though sometimes Karkat senses some tension or discomfort or something like it.

"You gonna see that Dave guy again?" Gamzee asked earlier in the day, pulling a joint away from his lips and blowing the smoke into the open air.

Karkat side eyes him, wondering what he's getting at. "I dunno. I don't think he really wants to. I'm not sure if I do either. Don't get me wrong, Dave is pretty alright when he's not blasting off his nonsensical metaphors and similes, but I don't know."

Gamzee doesn't say anything. He just continues to smoke, and Karkat looks down to check his phone.

About an hour later, long after the conversation has changed topics, Gamzee brings it up again, indicating it's been on his mind.

Karkat feels like he's being slapped, "So I wanted to ask," Gamzee starts, "If you're not preoccupied with that Dave motherfucker, I could be your preoccupation. If you catch what I mean."

Karkat mostly catches what he means. Well, sorta. Gamzee talks weird a lot, but Karkat isn't totally stupid as to not understand what he means by  _ being his preoccupation _ . He wants to be an item or something. Or maybe he wants to hook up, which is equally as startling.

Truth be told, Karkat's shocked. This is his best friend, wanting to change their relationship, and whether it's big or small, it's still changing things. It's bound to. Even if Karkat says no, it'll be difficult. He'll always have that knowledge Gamzee sees him that way, and he'll start to overthink absolutely fucking everything.

If he says yes, then what? Crash and burn? Well- hold on, he's getting ahead of himself. He should ask clarification.

"Wh.. What do you mean?" Karkat asks, looking away from Gamzee for a second to look at his own fidgeting hands in his lap.

"Whatever you want it to mean bro." Gamzee flippantly waves his hand around in the air like he's trying to paint a (shitty) picture, "Gettin' my real on? I hella like you man, you gotta know that. This fella Dave sounds like a joke to me, you know. I don't wanna see you with him."

Karkat furrows his brows. So Gamzee was jealous after all. He knows what he means though, Karkat being with another person would hurt Gamzee. He's not going to let that sway his judgment here, but he never wanted to get Gamzee's feelings hurt either.

"So you like me…" Karkat repeats, spacing out momentarily, his mind racing.

"Ahh, I'm sorry man, I can see I put you in a weird state, I don't want you to worry 'bout me. We can all up an' forget about it." Gamzee says, adjusting on the couch and leaning back against the corner, farther away from Karkat.

Karkat thinks for a second. He's not sure what to do… What to say.

The big thing that comes to mind is his attraction. He thinks about how people say, "you know those friends you aren't explicitly crushing on, but would definitely bang if they offered?" Yeah, Karkat feels that way with Gamzee, as weird as it is. He kinda shrugged it off, but it remains true.

Gamzee is his best friend for christ's sake, he trusts him and he's the best person he knows. He gets a bad rap for being a stoner and in a bad family, but Karkat knows better. He's just a big softie. And it's just being proven to him again, as Gamzee spills his feelings and tries to sop it all back up before Karkat can even move.

"Hold on, I'm just. I'm processing. I'm not saying let's forget about it, because fuck that. Like, seriously, fuck that, let's talk." Karkat starts to face him, getting his proverbial big boy pants on and wanting to discuss this thing.

Gamzee lazily looks at Karkat, and he can see he's feeling that initial letdown, but when Karkat suggests they talk, he's intrigued. "Yeah? 'Bout?"

"About.. Jesus, I don't know Gamz, I feel like you're not really being honest. What were you hoping I'd say? Because, like, okay." Karkat gestures with his hands, making a little box in front of himself. "Let's say, just hypothetically, you wanted me to jump into your arms and we'll be two piece of shit prince charming's, riding off on our unicorn into double rainbow faggotland. But what if I said I wanted to, like, fuck? And that's it? Wouldn't that suck?"

Gamzee is hiding how he feels, and Karkat knows it. "Shit man, I'm not gonna force you into anything. I just like you, I take what I can get."

"But that sucks! That would fucking suck! Wouldn't it? Be honest with me, and I'll give you a real answer. I can't guarantee a fast one, but shit, I won't lead you on." Karkat hopes this convinces him, because this is his only argument.

Gamzee seems to actually think about his response this time, looking away at the rug and pressing his knuckles under his chin, cracking them one by one. Karkat kind of likes to watch him do it.

"Yeah, I see your point." He finally says, looking back at Karkat. "I suppose, if I get my righteous truthful on, there's a part of me that wants to take your sweet ass on a date. You know me, I ain't one for the theatrics, but I think.. You know, I'd treat you right."

Karkat would be an awful fucking liar if he denied that made his heart beat harder. The confession itself made his skin crawl, with the shock of it all, but Gamzee being himself and telling Karkat the truth… It feels good.

He takes a deep breath, scooting over to Gamzee's side of the couch to touch his hand. "I- I won't stop being your best friend. Just so you know. This is a lot to take in though, so, give me some time. Cool?"

"Ahaaa, we're always cool, man." Gamzee gives him a dopey, lopsided, but utterly charming smile.

Karkat spends some time thinking about it, of course. A lot of thinking is dedicated to the train of "what would it be like to date Gamzee?"

That's what sticks in his mind as he walks to his car, drives home, and stays in bed wide awake with thoughts of today bumbling around his brain.

Dating Gamzee… He trusts him when he says he'll treat Karkat right. He's nothing but a gentle giant, extremely loyal, and being low-maintenance is always a plus. Karkat doesn't exactly think he does well with clingy partners, so that much is ideal.

On the other hand, Gamzee is a stay-at-home stoner with no job and a bundle of issues. Karkat has his own of course, but Gamzee is pretty fucking guarded. He still won't tell Karkat what happened to his face, what with the big ass scars going from cheek to forehead.

He just showed up with stitches one day and shrugged it off. Ugh, that would be so infuriating if they were a couple.

He supposes the no job thing isn't exactly an issue, Gamzee has family money, but still. He just smokes weed all day and sleeps. Sometimes goes out to hang with people and sell weed but not much else.

That isn't totally.. Boyfriend material.

But it's  _ Gamzee _ . Karkat's Gamzee. The one he loves so dearly.

Ugh, he's going to give himself a headache, going in circles.

Truth be told, heart says yes, brain is undecided. Karkat needs to talk it out with someone.

Which is exactly what he does the next day.

Kanaya's take is that Gamzee is not the ideal boyfriend, but she says she would support Karkat if they were to date. She doesn't adore Gamzee, which is obvious, but she tolerates him. She also says that he could try it, and if he feels no spark, they go back to being friends. Gamzee should understand if Karkat feels that way, right?

He's a bundle of indecisiveness, worrying about the what-if's and oh-no's. What if Gamzee can't go back to friends? What if Karkat breaks his heart? What if they date and then break up and never talk again? He'd be losing a whole lot.

Kanaya eventually has to go (escape from this torment), leaving Karkat to stew.

\---

Gamzee kind of wishes he could forget he even brought up his feelings.

He clearly made Karkat uncomfortable, and now shit is gonna be weird, because he just  _ knows _ Karkat is going to turn him down. What the hell would compel him to say yes? Gamzee's half hearted attempts at combing his hair and the smell of hybrid strains soaked into every set of clothes he owns? Yeah fucking right.

Karkat, although an emotional mess, is much better put-together than Gamzee. Gamzee just kind of coasts, living day-to-day, surviving off inheritance and fuck-you pocket cash.

Karkat likes dudes with their shit together, and chicks who can kick his ass. Gamzee could kick his ass easily, but unfortunately, he's not a chick. And he doesn't exactly scream "put together". In fact, the largest semblance of routine he has is putting on face paint every day, and waking and baking.

Shit. Karkat is so going to turn him down.

He'd probably do what Karkat did and turn to someone else for help or advice, but Karkat is virtually his only friend close enough to talk to about shit.

There's Tavros, but that's his ex.

There's Aradia, but they're not close like that.

Kurloz… Not an option.

Shit, his roster is not very long. He needs more friends. But that's a concern for another day he's not totally freaking out about his major heart boner for his bestie.

Gamzee smokes up before he starts spiralling out like Karkat was doing.

He actually kind of forgets about it for a couple hours, until Karkat texts, asking to come hang out.

Shit shit shit. Already? They saw each other yesterday, has he already made up his mind? Of course he has, it's not a hard decision! Gamzee is OUT, Dave is IN.

When Gamzee of course agrees to letting Karkat come over, they don't immediately get into it. In fact, they don't talk about it for over three hours. The suspense is killing Gamzee by this point, he's going to squirm out of his clownishly large pants if Karkat doesn't say what the fuck he's thinking in the next ten minutes.

Karkat notices Gamzee is tense. It's pretty obvious, he's usually a super relaxed guy, but now he's all high posture and crossed legs and chewing on his fingernails.

"Alright. You're thinking about yesterday, aren't you? Just say it you dumbfuck."

Gamzee doesn't take offense to the name-calling. Never does.

"I've been caught," He says dumbly, raising his hands with a smirk.

Karkat crosses his arms, leaning back against the couch. "I'm not ready. I just wanted to see you and hang out. Today kinda sucked."

"Oh shit bro, what's up?" Gamzee asks, leaning forward.

"We dont- it doesn't have to be a thing. Just work shit and life stress and whatever the fuck." Karkat admits.

"It's cool man, don't worry about it. I didn't mean to all up and get you riled. I'll try not to make you upset, a'ight?" Gamzee tries to help, nudging Karkat's shoulder with his fist.

"You don't have to do that." Karkat mumbles.

They fall into normal conversation shortly after. It's slightly strained, as to be expected, but by the time Karkat leaves, it's as if everything's normal again.

Gamzee sleeps early that night. He wakes up late, ironically, to the sound of knocking at his door.

His brother wants him to go do shit with him, so Gamzee gets dressed and leaves the house for the day. Karkat doesn't text at all. He does the day after, sending amusing pictures from work, but that's all.

A week passes since the terrible conversation-- the forbidden confession.

It's been a little stressful, Gamzee almost fully believing he's getting rejected, and Karkat acting as if he's on this tightrope, one gust of wind away from falling into a decision.

He shows up that night, exactly seven days after the talk. It's unexpected, which isn't a problem. Gamzee's just glad he's home so he can answer the door and let him in.

Immediately, he sees something is wrong. Karkat's got that expression on, like he's so angry his head will comically explode like a mushroom. Gamzee backs up to let him walk into the apartment, but Karkat attaches himself to Gamzee instead.

He hugs him tight and presses his face into Gamzee's chest (which is all he can reach), sighing deeply into his shirt.

Surprised, Gamzee slowly pats his back, "Somethin' botherin' you, lil motherfucker?"

"I hate my job," Karkat muffles. He works in retail in a big city, so of course he hates his job. Poor guy.

Gamzee lifts him easily out of the way of the door, shutting it behind him. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." Karkat pulls his face away from Gamzee's body, looking down at the fabric rather than his face.

His awful gay brain can't help but admire him, although that should be the last thing in Gamzee's mind. Karkat is upset and all Gamzee can think about is running his thumbs over his eyebrows, smoothing the creases of worry and stress.

He wishes he could.

Karkat glances up, and his face tints slightly darker. He gets on his tiptoes, and leans his head up, wrapping his arms around Gamzee's shoulders and neck.

Gamzee keeps a straight back, unsure what to do. Karkat is being affectionate- dare he say intimate- and Gamzee is too afraid to give in without his answer.

"You just gonna stand there and stare at me?" Karkat asks, blowing Gamzee's worries right out of the water.

He chews on the inside of his cheek. "What am I supposed to do?"

Karkat rolls his eyes, though his nonchalant expression is ruined by the cute little blush on his face. "When a guy goes on his tiptoes for you, you kiss him."

Gamzee's little heart soars. He cracks a grin, elated, "Really? You want me to kiss you?"

"Yes, idiot. Don't make me say it a third time." Karkat is trying so hard to remain sturdy and tough, but it's so badly betrayed by how small and adorable he is, waiting for said kiss.

Well, he certainly doesn't need to be told again. Gamzee puts his hands around Karkat gingerly, sliding around to his back as he cranes his neck down, tilting his head so his beaky nose doesn't get in the way as he plants a firm kiss to Karkat's lips.

He's met with as much enthusiasm immediately, and one peck turns to two, three, four. They're kind of making out in Gamzee's hall now, but fuck it, he's been waiting all week for this to happen.

His lips are soft, gentle and slightly apprehensive. Gamzee can't think he could even imagine something as perfect as the way Karkat kisses him back. His arms tighten around Gamzee, pulling him closer, and he squeezes Karkat tight to his chest.

Finally, they find the conscience to pull apart, and Gamzee is all dopey smiles. Karkat makes a face, somewhere between a grimace and an amused smile, inspecting him, "Wow, look at you. You really are fucking smitten."

"Hells yeah brother." Gamzee plays along, sliding his arms off Karkat to give him some breathing room. They just kissed, and although it's barely anything, Gamzee's whole body is alight. He's warm.

"So..." Karkat trails off, reaching up to fix Gamzee's t-shirt collar.

"You gonna stay?" Gamzee asks.

"Course," He agrees.

"Take-out and makeout?"

Karkat throws his head back to laugh obnoxiously, and Gamzee perks up, smiling wider. "Yeah beanpole, sounds good."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! twitter is _tenguoni
> 
> this is embarrassing for me to post pls be nice ;0;


End file.
